The Nutcracker
by the fangirl in a wheelchair
Summary: A retelling of 'The Nutcracker' feat. ZoSan (written for the ZoSan Advent Calendar)


**Listen, i sacrificed sleep for this, so this better be good.**

* * *

 _It is December 24th, christmas eve, young Maria has been waiting all day for this moment._

"Wait a minute!" Sanji glare up at the sky towards the narrator. "Why am i the main female character in this story?!"

He was wearing a light blue nightgown with a tiny red bow hairclip clipped onto his hair.

"I am a man dammit!"

 _Don't ask me, I'm just the narrator, I don't know why they chose to cast you—a man of all sorts—as the main female lead in this story._

"But-"

 _Enough! No more questions! I shall continue the story now._

 _It is December 24th, christmas eve, young Maria has been waiting all day for this moment. Her toymaker grandfather Gossamer has promised to give her a very special gift._

Franky suddenly burst through the door behind him. "SUPER!"

"Franky?" Sanji turn around to face the cyborg. "How did you even get in this story?"

"I volunteered to be one of characters." Franky answered nonchalantly.

"Why?"

"They were looking for people to play the role of Maria's grandfather, i was one of the people who volunteered to audition for the role. It was actually a really close tie between me and Brook for the role, but in the end they finally chose me!"

Sanji face palms.

The Narrator cleared his throat.

 _If the two of you are done talking, we have a story to tell here._

"Oh, right, i was supposed to give you your gift in this scene." Franky handed Sanji a what appears to be a Nutcracker doll that seems to resemble a certain swordsman that he hates. The doll even has his green hair and three swords strapped to his side.

"It's a special nutcracker doll i made just for you!" Franky said his line while giving a thumbs up.

"Wow, it's so..." Sanji breathed. "Ugly." He grimaced while holding the doll.

"Hey! That thing took me all year to build!" Franky yelled out feeling offended.

"Mind telling me why does it have to look exactly like that marimo idiot?" Sanji asked showing the doll to Franky.

 _It's all part of the story._

The Narrator replied to him instead.

 _Fra- Gossamer, i think you should show young Maria here how her new gift works._

"Good idea Mr. Narrator." Franky took the doll from Sanji's hands. "Allow me to show you how this little Nutcracker doll of yours work. First, you put a nut in between it's jaws, then second, you turn this crank behind it." He took a chestnut out from his pocket, puts it in between the Nutcracker's mouth, and try to turn the crank on the doll's back so it's jaws would smash the chestnut and crack it. But he appears to be having some sort of trouble turning the crank.

"Wait a minute, i think it's a little stuck." He try to turn the crank harder. But, when he finally got the crank to work, the doll's jaws smashed too hard against the nut, that it's lower jaw fell apart.

Franky has, quite literally, broke the Nutcracker's jaw.

Sanji did another face palm.

Franky visibly panics. "Don't worry i can fix it!" He then took the ribbon from a nearby gift and a broken jaw piece, and tries to put the piece back on the doll using the ribbon to hold it in place.

Once he fixed it, he gave the doll back to Sanji. "Sorry Sanji- err i mean Maria." He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. "Unfortunately, i can't exactly fix it right now, but i promise to come back tomorrow with the proper tools to fix it." And with that, Franky left the room. Leaving Sanji alone with the doll.

 _After her grandfather left, Maria was left alone with the Nutcracker doll. Then suddenly, Maria's body suddenly shrunk to the size of a mouse._

Just exactly like the Narrator said, Maria—Sanji—suddenly shrunk.

"This story gets weirder by the minute." Sanji grumbles as he stood in the middle of the enlarged room.

"Oi cook nice dress."

Sanji heard an annoyingly familiar voice called out. He turn around and saw Zoro, he's wearing a similar Nutcracker uniform as his doll's counterpart.

"What are you doing here?" Sanji asked angrily at the other man.

"That's no way to talk to the hero that's going to save you." Zoro replied calmly, in counterpart to the blond in front of him.

"Save me?" Sanji snorted. "From what?"

 _Unfortunately, before they could continue their reunion, the Mouse King appears to kidnap Maria._

Sanji turn around again, this time, he sees Law wearing a cape over his shoulders and mouse ears.

"From him." Zoro pointed at Law.

"You have got to be kidding me." Sanji deadpanned.

"This is ridiculous! I don't want to be the Mouse King!" Law yelled out in rage. "I don't even want to be in this story!"

 _Well too bad! You're in the story now so you better play along!_

The Narrator shouted angrily at him.

Law heaved a sigh. "Might as well get this over with." He grabbed Sanji and lead him towards a hole in the wall. Zoro followed after them, but when he got close enough, the hole disapears. He cursed. He was about to pull out his swords and cut open a new hole in the wall, when he hears someone say, "Oi, Zoro."

"Luffy?" Zoro turn around to face him. "What are you doing in this story?"

"I'm the fairy that's supposed to be helping you." Luffy answered cheerfully.

"Why aren't you wearing a costume?"

"My costume looks ridiculous, so I didn't want to wear it." Luffy gave a small shrug.

"You know what, never mind." Zoro shakes his head. "Do you think you can make the hole that was on this wall appear again?"

"Yeah sure!"

Zoro step aside and let Luffy stand in front of the wall, he then say, "Open Sesame!" As soon as Luffy said those words, the hole on the wall magically reappears.

"Thanks Luffy." Zoro thank him, then began running through the hole in the wall.

"Hey, Zoro wait, where are you going?" Luffy called out after him.

"To go beat up a Mouse King and save my shitty love interest!"

"ooh... that sounds fun! Can i come with you?"

"Yeah sure whatever."

So, Luffy follow him inside the hole.

 _Meanwhile, inside the Mouse King's palace, the Mouse King was busy trying to get Maria to be his queen._

The scene cuts to Law—the Mouse King—and Sanji—Maria—with Law repeatedly trying to put a crown on a tied up Sanji's head, who keeps on dodging the crown.

"Hold it!" Zoro stood in front of the Mouse King. "Release him right now!"

"What took you so long?" Sanji gave his rescuer a blank look.

"Sanji, Law, you in this story too?" Luffy finally makes himself appear from behind Zoro.

"Who are you suppose to be?" Law pointed at Luffy.

"I'm the fairy that's supposed to be helping Zoro." He answered.

"How come you're not wearing a costume like the rest of us?" Law asked him the same question that Zoro asked a few moments ago.

"My costume looks ridiculous, so I didn't want to wear it." Luffy gave a small shrug just like he did previously.

"It doesn't matter, I've already kidnapped 'Maria', and now I'm going to crown her as my queen." The Mouse King—played by Law—sneered at them.

"That's what you think." Zoro pulls out his swords, he then lunge towards Sanji, cuts down the ropes that were binding him, then took his hand and they both ran away together along with Luffy following behind them.

"What? That's it?" Law ask incredulously. "Aren't we supposed to fight first?"

 _This is meant to be a short story, we don't have time for you to have a long fight._

The narrator told him.

 _After the Nutcracker, Maria, and the fairy escapes the Mouse King and his palace, they eventually found their way back to M house through the same hole that they went through earlier._

"Close Sesame!" Luffy said loudly, and the hole disappears. Now Law—the Mouse King—won't be able to follow them back to Maria's home.

Meanwhile, behind him, Zoro and Sanji were panting hard, exhausted from all the running.

"So," Zoro panted for the last time. "I saved you from that Rat King, i think i deserve a reward." He grinned at the blond.

"A reward?" Sanji panted. "What kind of reward?"

"Like a kiss." Zoro grinned teasingly at him.

"What?!" Sanji shrieks. "There is no way that I am ki-" But before he could get any more words out, his eyes drooped down and he fell backwards.

* * *

Sanji stirs, when he finally came to, he opens his eyes and sat up, he realize that everything has gone back to their normal sizes, including himself. The Nutcracker doll lay limply on beside him.

 _After she woke up, Maria started wondering if everything was all just a dream._

 _Then, suddenly, there was a knock coming from the door._

 _Curious to know who could it possibly be, Maria decided to go answer it._

Sanji rolled his eyes at the Narrator's narration, but he went to do as the voice said.

When he opens the door, he was surprised to see Zoro standing in front of him. He's no longer wearing his Nutcracker attire.

"I haven't gotten my reward yet you know." Zoro smirks at him.

Sanji blush. But it immediately went away and is replace with a glare towards Zoro. "You want a reward? I'll give you a reward."

He grabbed Zoro by the collar and kissed him roughly on the lips. When he finally let go, Zoro was passed out from the kiss. He smirk a little, and then throw him onto the floor.

 _And the Nutcracker and Maria live happily ever after? I guess?_

 ** _The End_**


End file.
